I am a mom of older children and have noticed that the time has come when I do not have the hustle and bustle of little ones constantly around my feet and life now seems to be a bit of a let down. Well life has changed and now I have more hustle and bustle then ever. I am the Grammy Nanny to my 3 grandsons.
I was savoring the time that was mine and now have to share it with everyone all over again. The growing pains are upon me again and trying to define who I am again. The upside is that I get to cuddle little ones again! I still haven't truly learned to hug myself yet nor to be understanding to my own feelings. Did anyone notice how hard it is to be nice and understanding to yourself? That being said I hope that you will be part of my journey into yet another part of my life.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Deep sadness getting better

Well, the depression is getting better again. I hate roller coasters so having a roller coaster for emotions really suck. I finally got started cutting my daughter's dress but could not stay focused to save my life. I am getting excited though to see the dress started. I definitely cut the dress too small so I will have to see what happens. The challenge will be how to put it together with skinny seams and still have it stay together. I am going to work on it tomorrow. This is the year of disappointments though. I lost my mind in January and by February it was gone. More pills and then I start to feel better and my family visits and I get worn out and then have to rest from that. Then my Mom's 80th b'day I wanted to go and visit her and of course with me out of work that was completely blown. Now my sister is in the hospital and not sure when she will get out. Worse yet every time I go out and am with people I get so tired. I went for some training for the job I hope I will get and then slept for 2 hours. My Z is sick and he is far away and we have no insurance so we can't even go to a specialist to make sure he gets the best care. It took us over a week to get my pills and we still have to get Z's stuff and get it to him. About the pills I now have to get them back into my system. This sucks beyond sucks. I am tired and so unfocused. E is doing well, I just hope that I am not kidding myself and he is hiding what he is really doing from me and I am so tired that I wouldn't be able to notice.

I still have so many pictures I would like to take of the clothes that I have finished just so I can see that I have accomplished some things. I really am pleased with the infamous yellow dress. I love the denim dress that is kind of done. I beaded it and appliqued it and the thread that I used to put the applique on with was too heavy and it cut my leg. The dress form still has the beginnings of the romper I was trying to make but now the weather is getting so chilly it might not get finished. Oh and my daughter brought over about a dozen dresses for me to alter for her.

I got the match boxes for the swap now I just have to design what I want in them. I was hoping to create some kind of mouse design. You know, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. I think that would be fun. I also need to get my act together to do the baby shower gift. I am hoping to make one of those fluffy ruffle dresses and a head band with a flower on it.

Well, I am going to focus on the end of Project Runway.  Night.

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