I am a mom of older children and have noticed that the time has come when I do not have the hustle and bustle of little ones constantly around my feet and life now seems to be a bit of a let down. Well life has changed and now I have more hustle and bustle then ever. I am the Grammy Nanny to my 3 grandsons.
I was savoring the time that was mine and now have to share it with everyone all over again. The growing pains are upon me again and trying to define who I am again. The upside is that I get to cuddle little ones again! I still haven't truly learned to hug myself yet nor to be understanding to my own feelings. Did anyone notice how hard it is to be nice and understanding to yourself? That being said I hope that you will be part of my journey into yet another part of my life.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Before going to bed

Before I go to bed I am excited to say that I have been accepted into the swap. I have also copied the pattern from the Burda Magazine and now I just have to start it. My daughter picked a very nice teal colored fabric and it has a nice drape. It is a good fabric to start with. I haven't felt well and finally starting to get back into real life and want to get started sewing again.
I can't believe how I felt when I saw the x at Collingswood. Who would have thought? I only saw him in a distance and then I saw his car. I was rendered into a state of total fear. I didn't know what to do, I just stopped in my steps and R was there but I felt trapped with no where to run. I couldn't even let R know why I had stopped suddenly. Finally he just guided me away from the car and where we had seen him and I could become coherent again. It truly was so frightening. That feeling stayed with me for some time. I didn't want to get out of bed at all or do anything. Then being physically ill on top of that I just couldn't move. I know that Sunday if the kids didn't keep coming in and out of the house I would have been done with it. That feeling of such deep pain. The feeling that I could not and should not go on. It was a dark place again. I hate when I am there. I feel like the pills do absolutely nothing for the PTSD.
I am glad that I can finally get up but I over did today, with sugar that is. Ridiculous, I should know better. So the evening did not end well. Tomorrow is a new day and will try to start life again.
Good night all. 

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