Healing

I am just sitting here fixed to my laptop with so many ideas of things I want to start and some that I want to finish. I seem to be my own worst enemy though. Be creative brings out emotions that aren't always easy to deal with so I kind of procrastinate away. I hate that something that had given me such great pleasure in my past is so difficult now. I often wonder if maybe I didn't enjoy what I was doing and I am just kidding myself. I am no so happy about starting all over again with centering my emotions so I can get them under control. I am still not working and when I think about working I panic and freeze up. I don't go to people's parties or to their homes. I end up crying and freaking out. Tonight is a birthday party and it is local, so I thought hey maybe I can do this. As soon as I thought about going and being in a room filled with people I started crying. This is ridiculous. Once I work through these emotions that have taken away most of my abilities to function who will I be. Will I be the same person or will I have become someone else that I am not sure I will know or like?
I did accomplish mostly finishing 3 pair of pants for a stilt walker (I didn't get the snaps on the flys), I created a pattern for a dress I want to make and then made a mock up of it. Of course I made the mock up harder then what I want for my dress. I still have fabrics that are waiting for me to turn into something wearable. Oh and of course what my husband lovingly calls shiny object syndrome, I have made a pull string bag out of an old t-shirt, an apron for a cake decorating class I am taking, and hemming trousers (for my husband). Of course I purchased fabric so I could make a belt to go with the dress that I really want to make and since I couldn't find any buckles locally I am improvising with animal collars. Yes, you heard me correctly I am going to cut the collars into a portion for the buckle and the part with the holes. I can't wait to see what heart ache this will cause. Well I do need to get up and eat something and start working on finishing my dress. I hope to post it on the Burda website.