I am a mom of older children and have noticed that the time has come when I do not have the hustle and bustle of little ones constantly around my feet and life now seems to be a bit of a let down. Well life has changed and now I have more hustle and bustle then ever. I am the Grammy Nanny to my 3 grandsons.
I was savoring the time that was mine and now have to share it with everyone all over again. The growing pains are upon me again and trying to define who I am again. The upside is that I get to cuddle little ones again! I still haven't truly learned to hug myself yet nor to be understanding to my own feelings. Did anyone notice how hard it is to be nice and understanding to yourself? That being said I hope that you will be part of my journey into yet another part of my life.

Saturday, June 5, 2010


I am just sitting here fixed to my laptop with so many ideas of things I want to start and some that I want to finish. I seem to be my own worst enemy though. Be creative brings out emotions that aren't always easy to deal with so I kind of procrastinate away. I hate that something that had given me such great pleasure in my past is so difficult now. I often wonder if maybe I didn't enjoy what I was doing and I am just kidding myself. I am no so happy about starting all over again with centering my emotions so I can get them under control. I am still not working and when I think about working I panic and freeze up. I don't go to people's parties or to their homes. I end up crying and freaking out. Tonight is a birthday party and it is local, so I thought hey maybe I can do this. As soon as I thought about going and being in a room filled with people I started crying. This is ridiculous. Once I work through these emotions that have taken away most of my abilities to function who will I be. Will I be the same person or will I have become someone else that I am not sure I will know or like?
I did accomplish mostly finishing 3 pair of pants for a stilt walker (I didn't get the snaps on the flys), I created a pattern for a dress I want to make and then made a mock up of it. Of course I made the mock up harder then what I want for my dress. I still have fabrics that are waiting for me to turn into something wearable. Oh and of course what my husband lovingly calls shiny object syndrome, I have made a pull string bag out of an old t-shirt, an apron for a cake decorating class I am taking, and hemming trousers (for my husband). Of course I purchased fabric so I could make a belt to go with the dress that I really want to make and since I couldn't find any buckles locally I am improvising with animal collars. Yes, you heard me correctly I am going to cut the collars into a portion for the buckle and the part with the holes. I can't wait to see what heart ache this will cause. Well I do need to get up and eat something and start working on finishing my dress. I hope to post it on the Burda website.

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