The end of the 12 days of Christmas

I really enjoyed the 12 Days of Christmas postings. 

joined Smashion

Just joined Smashion, it seems intriguing. It is supposed to be a free sales and purchase site. Better then Ebay. Well I am going to give it a go. I am all signed up and updated my Paypal from when I did sell an item on ebay and now all I have to do is gather and photo the stuff I want to sell.

<a href="http://www.smashion.com/Signup?r=mommy6"><img src="http://www.smashion.com/images/badge/smashionista_hello_02.png"></a>

looking forward to new project

The hubby and I and hopefully a couple of the kids will be going to the Santa con in NYC on December 11. I am so looking forward to this silliness. My husband does not to be the stereotypical Santa, no he wants to be a more 5th Ave fashionable Santa. So I got a red/black taffeta that I would like to make into a suit for him including a top hat. I found a tutorial for the top hat on Threadbanger. It is a great tutorial and it is on youtube as well, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKcbk6xnSz4. It looks easy enough, famous last words. So that is my goal. I had started making a couple of pair of pants but they are not working out like I had hoped. So I took a pair of pants that I like the fit of but do not like the print of anymore apart placed them against the pattern and have adjusted, I just need to finish them and see if they fit. I hope so. I really need to start on Hubby's 5th Ave Santa suit. I am not sure what kind of dress I would like to wear. I was thinking about a 50's style sheath dress and have a fluffy shear overskirt with a white edge. But I better start on the suit first.

being sick sucks

I had an ok day, which was beautiful I might add. But as the day went on I didn't feel so good till every part of my body started to hurt by the time I picked up my husband I thought I was going to throw up and could barely drive. I now have a 100.9 degrees. I am a big baby.

Today was starting out well, I got 12 of my match boxes completed. YEAH!! That feels so good. Unfortunately I really feel like I sabotage myself but I guess I can't count getting sick. I am actually going to post pictures.

Well this is it for now. Am going to become mindless on Face Book.
Night all.

another day

Tomorrow I work. Yeah! I have to be there at 6:30 am.
I am also working on making matchbox shadow boxes. This is for the Swap for All Seasons. I am liking this. I am using rubber stamps and water coloring the images. I then cut them out and leave tabs on the bottoms of the images so I can give the images dimension. I like that I am getting creative again. The stamps I am using are very tiny. The biggest is the height of the matchbox otherwise they are small enough to put several in the box and stagger them so they have dimension. I have about 18 ready to glue together but I really want to paint the boxes and tops with white spray paint to give the boxes a finished look. I posted some of the box pics on face book. I really have to get them in the mail by Wednesday. I went back to the blog and she said that she is waiting on 54 more sets, mine being one of them. I can't wait to get mine in the mail.
I have not been sewing again witch is frustrating. I still have not even finished cutting out E's teal dress from the Burda Patterns. I also need to make some casual clothes that I can wear for work. I want to look nice and still be warm when the weather changes. I am really not a sweat pant kind of person. It sucks a little bit because I have skirts galore that I like. I also need to make some tops as well button up shirts aren't going to completely cut it. I want something more comfy and cute. The other sucky part of dress for work is that no heels are allowed. You know it is dangerous to drive in heels. :op
Well I am going to once again to be more diligent in blogging and also to be more positive. I love reading all the blogs that are around and the reason I am reading the ones that I am is because they are sharing the things that they love and are positive about what they are doing. So that is what I need to do. I do not want to take any more pills, I don't feel that they are truly making a difference in how I am feeling right now. I am done with them. I also don't want to pay the 60 bucks for them. I feel that it is more important to make sure my kids get what they need more. Speaking of witch, Z is back at school and he is selling Cutco knives for some extra cash. Not sure if that is going to go to well but he is trying and he has a plan that would coincide with his degree.
R is doing ok as well but I just never know really what is going on. She is staying at the college and is becoming active in different types of exercise.
E is doing ok but again I don't trust how I think because I didn't see what was happening the first time.
The older E is doing ok as well. C is the most adorable little baby in the world, not that I am biased or anything. He has a contagious laugh that just melts a heart. So glad I get to enjoy him.
Well that is enough for me right now. I am going to actually download the pics from the cam and possibly even post them!
Have a good night rest all.

Deep sadness getting better

Well, the depression is getting better again. I hate roller coasters so having a roller coaster for emotions really suck. I finally got started cutting my daughter's dress but could not stay focused to save my life. I am getting excited though to see the dress started. I definitely cut the dress too small so I will have to see what happens. The challenge will be how to put it together with skinny seams and still have it stay together. I am going to work on it tomorrow. This is the year of disappointments though. I lost my mind in January and by February it was gone. More pills and then I start to feel better and my family visits and I get worn out and then have to rest from that. Then my Mom's 80th b'day I wanted to go and visit her and of course with me out of work that was completely blown. Now my sister is in the hospital and not sure when she will get out. Worse yet every time I go out and am with people I get so tired. I went for some training for the job I hope I will get and then slept for 2 hours. My Z is sick and he is far away and we have no insurance so we can't even go to a specialist to make sure he gets the best care. It took us over a week to get my pills and we still have to get Z's stuff and get it to him. About the pills I now have to get them back into my system. This sucks beyond sucks. I am tired and so unfocused. E is doing well, I just hope that I am not kidding myself and he is hiding what he is really doing from me and I am so tired that I wouldn't be able to notice.

I still have so many pictures I would like to take of the clothes that I have finished just so I can see that I have accomplished some things. I really am pleased with the infamous yellow dress. I love the denim dress that is kind of done. I beaded it and appliqued it and the thread that I used to put the applique on with was too heavy and it cut my leg. The dress form still has the beginnings of the romper I was trying to make but now the weather is getting so chilly it might not get finished. Oh and my daughter brought over about a dozen dresses for me to alter for her.

I got the match boxes for the swap now I just have to design what I want in them. I was hoping to create some kind of mouse design. You know, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. I think that would be fun. I also need to get my act together to do the baby shower gift. I am hoping to make one of those fluffy ruffle dresses and a head band with a flower on it.

Well, I am going to focus on the end of Project Runway.  Night.

Deep sadness

I am here in bed still at 4:12 in the afternoon. I can't move. There are so many things that I want to do. There are so many UFO's that I have looming over my head. I have dreamed of being home to be able to do the things I have enjoyed so much. So what do I do, I sit here paralyzed and do nothing. I have the bracelet waiting to be finished, my daughters dress, and dresses that I have dreamed of making. They are all waiting patiently for me, at least I hope so. I know I am holding myself back. It is just me doing this. There is no one holding me down, there is no one keeping me back from those things which give me joy. Yet when I think of them I feel ill and my stomach knots up. I am back to crying uncontrollably. It was our anniversary and I wanted to make a simple dinner but I panicked at the idea of cooking. I don't want to grocery shop or cook at all. I love to cook and bake and be creative. I shook at the thought of just making something nice for my husband. I ruined our anniversary. He was so sweet and understanding as usual. The sorrow in side is so strong. Please, I just want strength and I keep feeling like I am starting over again. Just when I start to feel normal and functioning something seems to happen and all the old feeling come rushing in and overwhelm me. I wish I could do what the one blag said that to let go of everything is to forgive.